Sometimes, my job is just.........

If you read my last blog, you learned of my experience with E falling in a public toilet and my ensuing fear of what he could be infected with. Well, this week, the "march of 1000 fecal armies" visited my other child. Literally. My sweet, angel of a daughter Soijer, who will be 2 in April, has been fighting her afternoon nap for the past few weeks. It drives me crazy. She needs the sleep. I need the break. E needs to play Wii bowling without someone screaming at him and standing in front of the TV. So lately, I have been leaving her to babble and make noise and play in her crib and whatnot for however long it takes for her to either go to sleep or for me to decide that its too late and she can go to bed really early. Yesterday, she was doing her normal thing and I listened for a while to her through the monitor and after about an hour or so I decided that it was time to go in and tell her to go to sleep. When I walked into the bedroom, I was met by a punch in the face of super stink and almost just closed the door and sealed up the room. Then my eyes met my sweet daughter happily giggling. Happily giggling with her pants off. "whatcha' doin baby" I say in my sweet daddy voice masking my irritation of her again refusing to sleep. That's when I notice. Poop..... Squirty poop........ Everywhere...... All over the sheets....all over Elmo...All over Bunny...... All over care bear.....a little on Soijer's head..... a lot on her hands.....Once again the thought of closing the door and sealing the room crosses my mind. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. I am officially speechless. In my mind, I am cursing the 1000 fecal armies with all of my best cuss word combinations but there are none sufficient to convey the utter horror I am experiencing. I have to take a minute. Time to conjure up some of the parental wisdom, patience, love and all the other stuff that the books say come with parenthood. I don't have any. I try to take a deep breath or two, but the smell shocks me back to reality. Finally, God presents the miracle I was waiting for. Soijer looks at me, looks at her hands and, with the sweetest angel voice says "daddy.....................poop". I am disarmed. "yes baby" I say, "poop". I suck it up and get to work, get Soijer clean and into the tub, put all of here sleeping buddies into the washing machine and go about looking around for secret poop smudges on the wall or crib or whatever. Finally, i finish all of the cleanup and finish the day. My wife found the whole situation hysterical. I laughed too when I told her about it but there were a few minutes there where I about lost it. I'm not sure what the lesson is for that one. Maybe there is no lesson, just a story for my amusement and all of Soijer's first dates.