The toddler food revolution begins........

Another short note today to mention how much my kids like avocados. So today I made Avocado and tomato whole wheat wraps. They loved it! So much better than an ordinary avocado sandwich. There is some great satisfaction in getting something really healthy into a toddler and them being happy about it. Its also good to stick it to the food companies who insist on trying to poison us all. On a related food note, I constantly see moms at the park, mall or wherever, continually shoving food at their kids. like the whole time. "Here johnny, here are some more goldfish crackers. oh and some fruit snacks too" (that's not fruit lady!!!) Anyway, It peaked my curiosity because none of the dads in my group are even giving out snacks during the play time. I wonder if its a gender thing? Is it a nurturing thing for women? hmmm....curious. I'll still save my tirade regarding the crap that passes as food and kids snacks for another day. That's the second time I've mentioned that but its coming.
My wife's mother is coming in tonight for a visit and Ephram has been freaked out all day. He is really excited. I've been trying to give him a little leniency (wow did I really spell that right the first time? spell check says so) since he is over excited. It should be fun and give me some time to decompress.
Speaking of compressing, My wife got the lead roll in the Grand Rapids Civic Theater Production of "The Foreigner". It is pretty exciting for her and we are all very proud. We are a bit concerned that rehearsal is Sunday through Thursday nights from 7:00pm to 10:00pm and that it will cause me to go a little crazy with the kids but the way I see it, total insanity should set in after a week or two and I can enjoy the bliss from then on out.
Lastly, Human Touch by Springsteen is a killer song. That's all...

Robots built for warfare? Come with me if you want to live.....

Just a quick note today to mention this article I read in the New Yorker about a gunsmith who makes a recoil-less, fully automatic shotgun that is mounted on a small ground robot or U.A.V Helicopter. It was so freaking interesting and scary that I had to post something about it. If you like this sort of techno thing, or if you have seen the Matrix too many times, give it a read. The picture in my mind was of hundreds of thousands of armed to the gills, Wall-E style robots parading down Pennsylvania Avenue (kinda like the Soviets used to parade their ICBM's). Really interesting stuff. The coolest thing he talked about was a larger robot that breaks into a building then drops seven of the smaller robots armed with this crazy auto shotgun to clear the place out. Before you know it, someone from the future will be sent back here to kill the guy that created this thing because, of course, the robots will have taken over and turned humankind into slaves.

Here is the article
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/02/23/090223fa_fact_ratliff

The arrival of middle age....with a little fame on the side..

I use the term "middle age" loosely. My college professor of sociology told my that my generation would have an average life span of 120 years. I don't think that he anticipated the effect that processed and fast food would have on our evolution in that it would drive our society backwards instead of forwards. That's a whole other subject that I'll get into another time. I'm talking about reaching the big 35. Probably not actually middle age but, considering what I did to my body in my early 20's, a lofty goal none the less. My birthday last Thursday was good. My folks came to town from Illinois and we went out for dinner at On The Border where my favorite is the fish tacos (talk about food that is not good for you, the fish tacos are a definite heart killer but it was my freakin birthday). My wife had purchased a new pan for me earlier in the week and it came actually on my birthday which was cool. I know, what your thinking, a pan for your birthday how exciting, but i was fairly jazzed about it because it was an All Clad pan which I have drooled over for quite a while and am now fully prepared to engage in some culinary masterpieces such as fried plantains and Blue Cheese Fritters. (both favorites of mine from the Tapas Bar). I also brought in enough birthday dough and gift cards (35 is apparently a milestone so you get more stuff), to afford the espresso machine I've had my eye on for quite some time. The kids broke my old machine so I am looking forward to making my own coffee drinks again. On a side note, my apologies to Starbucks, I know you guys are in some trouble but I have to look at my own economy too. I'll still be around a little especialy around christmas for a peppermint mocha so dont fret. Overall, my birthday week was really enjoyable. I did have to play in a wedding so that took up my friday and saturday but all was well. I just need to get out and get some espresso and maybe a glass or two for my new machine when it gets here.
Now for the fame part......We had a small article about the dad's group in the local family magazine which led to an interview on WLHT radio here in Grand Rapids. It was a very short interview but I think I did ok and was not a bumbling idiot and got the info across so hopefully that will lead to some more members. I was just happy to find out that it was not some sort of cruel prank which was in the back of my ever conspiracy laden mind.
With all of that said, its time for spring. It's time for playgrounds and not malls. Its time for cargo shorts (the official uniform of the stay at home dad), sandals, t shirts and getting rid of the fight to get a toddler in a winter coat into the five point harness of a carseat. As I have said in the past "Be gone winter.....come again next year. you've worn out your welcome"

Sometimes, my job is just.........

If you read my last blog, you learned of my experience with E falling in a public toilet and my ensuing fear of what he could be infected with. Well, this week, the "march of 1000 fecal armies" visited my other child. Literally. My sweet, angel of a daughter Soijer, who will be 2 in April, has been fighting her afternoon nap for the past few weeks. It drives me crazy. She needs the sleep. I need the break. E needs to play Wii bowling without someone screaming at him and standing in front of the TV. So lately, I have been leaving her to babble and make noise and play in her crib and whatnot for however long it takes for her to either go to sleep or for me to decide that its too late and she can go to bed really early. Yesterday, she was doing her normal thing and I listened for a while to her through the monitor and after about an hour or so I decided that it was time to go in and tell her to go to sleep. When I walked into the bedroom, I was met by a punch in the face of super stink and almost just closed the door and sealed up the room. Then my eyes met my sweet daughter happily giggling. Happily giggling with her pants off. "whatcha' doin baby" I say in my sweet daddy voice masking my irritation of her again refusing to sleep. That's when I notice. Poop..... Squirty poop........ Everywhere...... All over the sheets....all over Elmo...All over Bunny...... All over care bear.....a little on Soijer's head..... a lot on her hands.....Once again the thought of closing the door and sealing the room crosses my mind. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. I am officially speechless. In my mind, I am cursing the 1000 fecal armies with all of my best cuss word combinations but there are none sufficient to convey the utter horror I am experiencing. I have to take a minute. Time to conjure up some of the parental wisdom, patience, love and all the other stuff that the books say come with parenthood. I don't have any. I try to take a deep breath or two, but the smell shocks me back to reality. Finally, God presents the miracle I was waiting for. Soijer looks at me, looks at her hands and, with the sweetest angel voice says "daddy.....................poop". I am disarmed. "yes baby" I say, "poop". I suck it up and get to work, get Soijer clean and into the tub, put all of here sleeping buddies into the washing machine and go about looking around for secret poop smudges on the wall or crib or whatever. Finally, i finish all of the cleanup and finish the day. My wife found the whole situation hysterical. I laughed too when I told her about it but there were a few minutes there where I about lost it. I'm not sure what the lesson is for that one. Maybe there is no lesson, just a story for my amusement and all of Soijer's first dates.

Nintendo Wii with a side of public restroom disgust-o-germs please....

We had been thinking about purchasing a Wii for ourselves and the kids so we had been on the lookout for a while to see when one would be available. finally last Sunday, we saw in the Sunday ad that Target had some. I called on target, none left. Called another and they had 9 left. At my lovely wife's urging, I hurried and packed Ephram into the car and we sped off to Target to get a Wii before they were gone. Anyone with a toddler knows that anytime there is a time sensitive matter to take care of, the toddler will inevitably affect the speed by either engaging what I like to call "toddler speed", which is the slowest, lollygaggiest manner of travel possible, or in this case will have to use the bathroom as soon as you are the farthest distance possible from a bathroom. So as we are cruising down 100th street, Ephram yells out " I have to go peepee!!!!" Can you hold it? "No"!!! It was, as it always is, an urgent situation. So I push the gas a little harder in an attempt to get to the marathon station at the freeway as fast a possible while Ephram holds his wiener and does the pee pee wiggle in his car seat. Finally, we pull in to the marathon and jump out. Of course now, Ephram engages Toddler speed and slows down to look at the packed snow on the wheel wells of our car. "Pee pee Ephram" I yell which brings him back to the reality of the urgent matter and he starts to run to the door. We haul it into the bathroom and pull off his coat and make it just in the nick of time. After the major relief of making it to the bathroom, I tell Ephram not to linger at the potty and that lets get going so we can go get the Wii. He, of course does not care about time and is standing, pants down, admiring the decor of the fancy gas station bathroom. "step back and pull up your pants" I say. (for those who don't have boys, the step back command allows for your toddler to bend over and pull up his pants without sticking his head on the public restroom toilet). He replies "first I gotta flush". I say ok go ahead. Well instead of walking around to the side of the toilet, he just reaches out from the front to get to the handle. Enter slow motion reaction from me. My eyes assessed the long reach, then moved down to the floor where I noticed the wet from the snowy tile floor. I tried to stop him but to no avail. His shoes slipped and he went forward. All the way forward.......into the toilet. The un-flushed toilet. He reached out both hands out and caught himself.......but caught himself in the toilet.....the pee filled, nasty, public toilet. As the horror registered in my mind of a thousand fecal armies set to march up his arms, E says, quite calmly "uh oh". Yeah uh oh!! Luckily, I had rolled up his sleeves so he only had skin contact. We scrubbed his arms like nothing before and then when we got in the car doused his arms with hand sanitizer and were on our way. We did end up getting a Wii but there were only a few left when we got there. Ephram has not come down with any third world mega virus either so all is well. Until next time.....
out

Time to beat the dead horse.....

My last blog included some ranting about the Michigan budget and lack of what I consider to be common sense regarding how to exercise said budget when it comes to snow plowing. For a new chapter in the ongoing plight of the snow plow powers that be, enter the Allegan County road commission. The other day, while walking out to get the mail, one of my daily pleasures as an at home dad ( a couple minutes of silent peace), I see that the gigantic, monster gas sucking fiend that is the Allegan snow plow truck is heading into our subdivision, plow engaged against the already smoothed snow covered surface. Normal reaction to this sight would probably be indifference. Not me. I was miffed. We hadn't seen any sort of snow in the past five days! the roads were decent! You're blowing the budget for crying out loud!! Wait for the snow #$@#@!!! No plow for days when our road had a foot of snow on it and now this?? Couldn't believe it!! I was mentally writing my strongly worded letter to our leadership. Now for the best part. As I sat on the driveway having some sort of silent hissy fit. The guy comes back up the road and, wait for it.....plows like a foot and a half of packed icy dirt/crap snow onto my driveway. aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm going to save some of those chunks for the next time he comes around. If you've ever seen the movie Funny Farm with Chevy Chase, its like the part with the mail man. He is my new nemesis.
On a lighter note, we went out to San Chez, a Tapas Bar in GRand Rapids. The food was really good and it was a fun experience. I ordered Michigan Artisan Beer from the drink menu and about half way through the owner came out and asked me how I liked It. I thought that strange until I got the bill and it was $19 bucks. No wonder he came out. Lesson learned. It was a good beer. not $19 dollar good but still tasty.
Azsure (my wife) is going to St Louis for a conference and will be gone for 2 nights. Its always a bit of a challenge to have no break from the kids all day and night but I do get to sleep on the most comfortable part of the bed, the big hump in the middle. Im taking the kids out thursday to the mexican place for fun. we rarely go out for lunch or dinner so it will be a treat. plus I have a coupon!
One of these days, I am going to actually write a blog about beng a dad. There are some good stories Im sure and I need to tap into that. It would probably be more constructive than talking about snow plowers. Plus how many stories about snow plowers end with my 3 year old son falling in to the public toilet. Tune in later for that.....
out.

blog blog blog........

Though the Michigan winter has tried its best to destroy me, I live. Though the snow keeps me in a bit where my children try to break my will and send me past insanity, I survive. Be gone winter, come again another day.

That's about it. Christmas...good. New Years...good. First half of January...not too bad. My only complaint is the roads. Our exquisite Michigan leadership has once again proved their genius by, in an attempt to save money, not paying plow drivers to plow on the weekends. Cause we never get snow on Friday through Sunday in Michigan. There are also huge craters all over the city because the roads are falling apart. Our wonderful elected officials refuse to look to other states road technology to maybe learn something about building roads that last for a few years and have settled on just patching with asphalt because its cheaper. Thanks guys, you'll notice that the roads out of Michigan are the worst because they get the most traffic from all of the moving trucks taking people out of the state. Next thing you know, the big three auto makers will be building moving trucks because there is a need for them as people move out. They will use the insight that they have in the past to put all of their money into the production of vehicles that wont be used in a couple of years but hey, that's what they do. On a related note, Hyundai gets the North American car of the year? Everybody at GM should resign in shame.
Speaking of broken things, my bread machine broke. not really broke but I realized that the nonstick stuff on the inside was chipping off and getting into the dough. nothing like feeding your family poison for who knows how long. I know what your thinking...bread machine, how very masculine, but I was kinda distraught because I used that thing so much to make pizza dough and whatnot. Oh well, a new one is on the way. That one by the way was from wal mart and it lasted 10 years. The new one is like the Cadillac of home appliances so we'll see if it lives up.
With the new year came a few resolutions but a lot of them came out like a to do list. Clean out the file cabinet, clean out under the sink, organize the front closet. The others were a little more serious. Be more patient with the kids. Az suggssted this one. Its a good thought, sometimes I get really tired of the fighting and the whining. now when I say something to stop it, Ephram asks "are you going to turn into the incredible hulk daddy"? yes I am ephram, yes I am. The other thing was to force myself to be a giver. It is easy to help people out but my probelm is not paying enough attention to notice peoples needs on a day to day basis. So that's the idea, to remind myself daily that people, especially here in michigan , need help or at least a pick me up during the daily grind and take action.
lastly, I'll be 35 next month. hmmmm....yeah... not sure what to say about that....